This bias is responsible for our tendency to only focus on and accept what concurs with our existing worldview. For more understanding, we need Swiss army knives.
The man whose whole life is spent in performing a few simple operations (.) generally becomes as stupid and ignorant as it is possible for a human creature to become.Ī hammer and a screwdriver will have a hard time arguing over how to open a wine bottle. That makes it hard to talk about issues from the same perspective. Or as Mark Twain put it: "If your only tool is a hammer, all your problems will be nails." Most of us are specialists, with our areas of expertise based on our studies or job description.Įach specialism functions as a lens through which we interpret the world–whether that's economics, sociology or feminism. The standard speaking style in Spanish, for example, is more direct than English. What's more, what sounds nice in one language sounds rude in another. Someone with a socialist mindset may have a more pessimistic view regarding the intentions of businesses than someone with a belief in the market's invisible hand. If your ego is invested in your argument, you’re not able to change your mind without losing your face. The downside of conversational forms like these ones is that they prevent us from Instead of discussing to learn something new, people discuss with the sole purpose of claiming victory of the other person’s point of view. Instead of listening fully to what the other person is saying, you’re just thinking about how you can jump in to make your own point.ĭevelop into this one. If the original storyteller returns the favor, such dialogues can quickly spin out of control to increasingly improbable storylines. Instead of simply appreciating it, the other person only tries to top it. Peterson discusses a few of such forms he encountered in his career as a psychologist and which you’ll be sure to recognize. Many of our conversations take on counterproductive forms in which each side is merely out to seek status. You couldn't skip this process entirely, but it helps to be aware of its implications.
"would you mind giving me your phone number?" To make questions or commands more polite, we wrap them in indirectness. There's a tension between politeness and directness here.
If you're a service rep dealing with a new customer, for example, you'd better err on the side of explicitness. This is especially recommended in high-stake circumstances or when you don't know the other person well. Phrasing your messages in an explicit manner prevents miscommunication. Some people are straightforward others expect you to read between the lines. Miscommunication often stems from a misalignment of explicit and implicit meaning between the sender and receiver. But I could also say it in a way that makes my sister feel guilty, or makes her wonder whether this particular cookie has a special ingredient she didn't know about. Simple messages can be stuffed with implicitness.Ĭould be a neutral message.